This article is a combination of 25 year’s of child protection training, research and experience built on adapting Military Intelligence threat analysis and detailed insight into child sexual abuse and how predators operate. It is the most useful and important thing I have ever written and thank you for reading, sharing it and contributing to increased awareness for the prevention of child abuse.
I was trained as a military intelligence officer to analyze threats. When I started training people in self-protection I utilised the same methods to analyze the behaviour and methods of predators. After 25 years of research, conducting training with a deliberate focus in learning predictive behaviour and prevention methods. I have written this to share the knowledge I have gained with everyone. Keeping children safe is a priority of society and a topic everyone should learn more about.
Warning: This article is a confronting topic describing child abuse. It is written in a style intended to draw attention to the complex threats faced by those that protect children.
Disclaimer: Any understanding of prevention must first come from analysing the threat. Threat is a combination of capability and intent. The threat of a child abuser must be accurately evaluated to better prevent abuse and identify abusers. This article clearly demonstrates the threat posed by child abusers and what society must be aware of to effectively protect children. To better understand the threat and inform you about the true dangers faced by children, this article highlights the threat, by framing the lessons to be learnt in a fictitious profile written to cover a variety of common predator behaviour methods.
The articles’ purpose is education with a view to enabling more accurate prediction and prevention of abuse. The article also comments on terminology, institutionalised awareness, and government policy regarding the continued threat from child abusers despite the massive increase in awareness in society, government, and the judicial system. Government bodies are doing a great job and resources in the sector have increased exponentially however there is still confronting information that needs to be addressed. Online abuse is real and growing and there is a lot of attention and resources available, however the in-person, threat from physical assault is still real and extremely damaging for victims.
OPENING OUTLINE
Stay safe and NEVER BE A VICTIM.
The difficulty is the confronting aspect that the majority of abusers are someone known to the child, not an online predator or random kidnapper. This message is still not advertised strongly enough, and I have written this to make people pay more attention. Neglect is the largest percentage of child Abuse. This article is about predators and sexual abuse. Predators are predominantly male however studies show between 2-5% of (reported) predator’s are female. Females can also enable males to act as predators and hide in society but I could find no statistics on this.
Every time I research and learn something new about predators it is evident that so many things are common among them. It is like they all have a handbook to refer to for training and operations. Predators from different countries, different demographics, and different time periods, even pre internet have always displayed similarities of method. They have also evolved and for people that keep secrets about their behaviour and have duel lives, there is a surprising amount of common behaviour.
There are behaviour factors they all have in common. It is like they are reading the same instruction manual or have done the same course – despite no apparent link between predators, geographically, in time or location. There are many common behaviours that can give away a predator that everyone needs to be aware of. There is no score sheet that rates each characteristic, and every predator is different. They may not display all of the behaviour types but will display some to some extent.
A critical point I will make at the outset is that predators evolve and adapt. How a predator is acting now will be a learned behaviour adapting to the new laws, procedures and training conducted to identify them. Regardless of the increased amount of scrutiny for people working with children, a massive increase in public awareness, for the increased ability to report and a much greater focus from the police, children are still being targeted at an alarming rate. Institutionalized sexual abuse is still a plague and as predators adapt, I believe organisations that foster secrecy, which put reputation above personal safety, will continue to adapt as well to protect themselves. Hence continuing to attract child abusers, because they will feel safer in any organisation that has historical pride in their moral purpose and a code of secrecy, and a strict hierarchy.
When you think you have the behaviour stereotyped, you will be wrong. You will miss something and someone right near you. Predators are chameleons and not lions. They are deceptive, not confrontational. They are manipulative not genuine. These characteristics will be evident in many aspects of their life.
THE PROFILE OF A PREDATOR (a lesson in Child Protection.)
Predators learn, adapt, and research their behaviour, the law, government policy and can do an apprenticeship through self-education or linking up with likeminded people Predators blend into society and are a chameleon that hides in plain sight, behind a public image. They are 24/7 committed to their desires and will have something in their life to enable this commitment consistently. Identifying and predicting the behaviour of a predator can reduce child abuse by prevention through awareness. Wouldn’t it be better to save a child from child abuse rather than rescue a child from child abuse?
Opening Comments
Predators do not see themselves as predators. It is a very accurate term for describing a child abuser however it is very misleading term for identifying a predator in society. This is their best cover story as society does not do an excellent job of recognizing them either. The simplest protection they face is the term ‘predator.’ It implies predators are easy to spot in society. Like a lion stands out in the jungle. A predator will be experienced at blending in, being grey and just being a regular person. They will have learnt to hide their proclivities from even their closest friends and family from an early age. The media and movies will also help them disguise their nature. Casting and behaviour of a scary predator in movies and on TV is often someone the audience can pick, who seems a little off, or looks a little different. Predators look and act like everyone else and are people you know and have met and never will know. They do not wear a trench coat, rarely drive a van, they do not buy lollies for kids anymore (they buy phones).
When everyone is looking for a predator, they are hiding in plain sight as a regular person regular person learning and adapting to just blend in. A neighbour no-one notices, a friendly sports coach, a relative that loves your nephews, a trusted member of the family that is happy to babysit. Predators will have family photos on their desk at work and talk about holidays away with the kids or wife. They will have a normal, boring regular life that will have some intersections with kids’ activities, families, or routine reasons to be involved with kids that no one will notice. They will have family holidays or may travel with work, alone. This is where you may get a predictor, if they travel to destinations for holidays or work that have less regulations about child protection and easier access to children. Travelling alone and regularly to the same place is worth a quick look at why and where.
Predators play the long game and have multiple prospects to groom over time. Predators will often have an age preference and will not remain focused on one victim as the age is outside the preferred age range. They will have ways to disassociate contact with a child as they age whilst also scaring them or alienating them enough to reduce risk as the child ages. Predators will protect themselves from attention and will develop methods of determining when to walk away and shift targets. Younger predators may over try but experienced predators will hone their skills to never ‘over try’ on one child. A predator will learn not to get fixated on a ‘favourite’ from initial excitement and will work overtime to groom targets that will be less likely for them to be exposed. Attraction is more about safety for the predators to continue and develop their behaviour than picking a child they ‘like.’ A predator’s ability to go undetected for many years is dependent on their ability to pick and choose, to be able to walk away, relocate and to always ensure they groom someone that is easy to control and gaslight (gaslighting, being the art of making someone feel that what happens to them is their fault).
Predators act naturally and choose their environment.
Predators locate, work, and move in circles that are natural for them. Always starting in their home time or where they are comfortable operating. They need time to build trust and the best way is to get known in their local area as some to trust or at least someone to not worry about or notice. If predators move they will start their new life slowly and get to know their environment before deliberately selecting their environment to hunt in. A predator will try to get involved with children. Not always with children of their age preference but any activity or group that has routine contact with children or that children need to contact or work with.
School teachers, sports coaches, counsellors, and priests are obvious but there are also bus drivers, shop keepers, receptionists in gaming arcades and the thousands of positions that have indirect contact with children. Mentoring or community work is also a way to get closer to kids, and often kids that are more vulnerable. Predators will naturally set up a consistent reason to be around children of their preferred age.
Predators will get qualifications that enable them to work with children. They will not always be uneducated, unable to keep job types and will be people that graduate university and some maintain long careers. Predators will also be people without a solid education, and they will also have options to get close to children through indirect links. Predators will always be attracted to being a schoolteacher or sports coach because they can get a new batch of children every year and can remain in contact for many years after. Being a schoolteacher is considerably stricter than it once was however predators play the long patient game and don’t need quantity, they just often need one.
There is massive increase in scrutiny around the teaching profession however the predators will adapt and will still exist in this environment. Predators are more likely to pick a large school in a poor demographic to blend in with and it will be easier to be involved and assist children that need extra ‘attention.’ There are never enough good teachers or volunteer sports coaches so it will always be an avenue that both attracts predators and requires monitoring. Strict private schools (religious schools) will remain a target for predators as they are more likely to handle initial complaints internally. Any institution that is strong in protecting their reputation is a place a predator will prefer to work. Predators will take years to act within their comfort zone at work and will patiently develop a solid groomed group of children undetected before ever crossing the line of physical contact. Predators may not target the age they teach, for example, if they prefer teenagers, they may teach primary school, and never interact with the kids but can still have a reason to see how their targets are going in high school.
Predators may also select where they live, just to watch or accidentally interact with kids socially. This is just like window shopping or the icing on the cake for them, especially for predators that are not acting out their desires. An opportunistic predator might engage often with no contact for many years util an opportunity arises that they feel is in their favour. Although it is planned for them, it may appear opportunistic.
Predators may spend time getting good at coaching or teaching a skill (musical or sporting) that is something outside of school as their hobby/sport. Then they will be able to seamlessly transition into a coaching role. Clubs are always in need of volunteer coaches or assistant coaches. They will often be disinterested at first, never keen and reluctant to do the role until asked or encouraged too by trusted parents.
The scary fact is that family has always been the easiest way to access children. Whether they are the predators’ own children, relatives, fostered or stepchildren. The access, ability to develop relationships, and controlled relationship is likely to remain the largest demographic for victims of abuse. It is obviously a long game choice for predators. Smart experienced predators will know the convenience is a greater risk and have developed enough self-control to use the family as a cover. They may genuinely view their own children as ‘different’ however this is less likely than you think. It is more likely a learned response to hide in plain sight and be a normal parent.
Family may just be too convenient for a predator to resist despite the risk. If this is the case, the coercive control of the family will be strong, and the control factors will develop over time. It may be convenient at the time for a predator, but it will be more challenging as the children age and develop into adults. A family predator will put endless effort into gaslighting and controlling their family’s behaviour to ensure the children are either terrified to do anything, think it is their fault and are ashamed or may just think their parent loves them and they are special. A bond that will remain for many years, perhaps forever.
A straightforward way for a predator to get access to kids is to marry someone with kids already. It is easier for them to move on and easier to develop a ‘friendship’ with step kids. It is not unusual for them to try hard to be friends or spend time with the kids to bond and get to know them.
Extended family members is always a possible target for predators. It is easier for them as they don’t see their nieces and nephews too often and cuddles and presents are expected. A predator can gauge responses and build more trust over time. A predator will not be perturbed by a lack of response or reciprocation as their definition of their own feelings is different. They will see what trust their siblings give them and be prepared to hang around for the long game when the child needs a friend or a babysitter or has problems with their parents. If your child tells you that Uncle Steve is creepy, believe them.
The best way for predators to blend in is to keep their family and their ‘other’ life separate however their desires will not allow them to be too planned or smart forever. If a predator had self-control and a correct sense of society definition of right and wrong, they would not be a predator. They will believe they do not have a choice; they are made this way. Although it is unacceptable, it is something that is normal for them. They will balance a massive hypocritical mind set, knowing at the same time, I must hide my behaviour, whilst also justifying it to themselves as part of who they are. Unfortunately, evolution has not removed the deception gene from humans, and it never will.
In all situations, a predator must blend in. They will watch the normal people and mimic what they do. Like Dexter (the famous TV serial killer). They will have non-child related hobbies, and engage to be seen in activities that only adults do. They will spend deliberate time developing what people expect of them. From how their house looks, their car, their clothes and who their friends are.
A predator’s normal life may not be entirely a front, but it will have cracks around the edges because the time it a takes to groom, control and develop a relationship with a child will have to occur at some point, and this point is the gap in their seemingly normal routine. Time on holidays alone, time alone with children, time unaccounted for, time spent working on a project, a favourite activity that just takes a little bit outside the normal passion and time are indicators that something is not right.
A predator will contribute to the normal responses when a child abuser is on the news, and it is discussed at work but will never be too zealous or bring the subject up. They will be masters of deception. They will watch the reactions of others, mimic them, and remain equally but no more concerned than others. An indicator is to watch for delayed, contrived reactions, a lack of empathy, victim blaming, a sense of misplaced embarrassment or being overly zealous in the punishment. Notices when there is something that just makes your skin crawl, trust your own intuition, and just ask yourself what made you feel off about a particular reaction.
Whatever employment a predator does, they will get a working with vulnerable children card as young as they can, so they have no history on file.
How a predator selects targets and develops closer friendships with children & adults.
They are charming and always nice. A predator is a charmer! That is a far more suitable name for them. They are friendly and nice to children as if they are the same age as the children. Adults do not normally act like kids’ friends. They are friendly to kids but not their best friends like a kid their own age would be. Predators will know how to control this, but it is their primary weapon to build trust in the victim and their families. It is step 1 in alienating the victim from their friends and family.
A predator is unlikely to love bomb someone and is more likely to do it over time gradually. To be charming and nice is easy to fake and just takes a smile to a sad child or a thank you. Giving a little bit more respect the child may be getting from home or friends. To be charming is to allure and to compel someone to like you. Everyone wants to be liked and have someone pay attention to them. A predator will always start off nicely. People are getting clued into this one, but people will always fall for a nice smile. Too much unsolicited charm will make some people suspicious so predators will shift gears when not being watched or alone with whomever they are grooming. A child lacking attention or friends, often isolated or unhappy at home is easy to charm and offer a friendship they are often craving.
A predator will put them on a pedestal above all others.
Forced Teaming: This is where trust is built through a shared bonding or situation. People with the same immediate problem will bond quicker than strangers. Like getting stuck in an elevator with someone. It is hard to discount attempts to talk with someone when you are both waiting for a bus and the topic is about the bus being late, again. Forced teaming can be a contrived situation established by the predator to accelerate the bond and test the feedback received from the child. Like sitting with a child waiting for their parents, talking about how often they were made to wait as a kid or acting like they are waiting to get picked up as well. It may also look like repeatably running into someone because they are going the same way regularly or go to the same local shops is also a way to slowly develop trust.
No means NO. When someone discounts NO, this is a warning sign. A predator will always test someone’s ability to say no. They will start with trivial things and discount the no. Eventually with enough discounted no’s, the word becomes meaningless, and the predator will escalate. A predator will agree and walk away at times, but they will return and try again. Discounting no can be fast but usually for a predator it is used slowly like a dripping tap to wear a victim down. They will use the phrase – you did not really mean it and, OK – I accept that, but what if.
Baiting. This is when a predator will engage in conversation and get to know someone by baiting them into a conversation. They will initiate with things like ‘you probably too busy to talk to me’, or ‘You probably too smart to need help with your homework.’ Children will find it hard to say no or not engage because they are taught not to make polite adults feel bad.
Doing favours and giving gifts. A predator will often offer to help. They will start in small ways. Gifts can be risky, but they can be simple. A child without means will often enjoy the attention. Just helping with a bike lock, or picking something up or noticing they need something, just to fit in at school like new shoes or a jacket. Food or snacks is an easy start while waiting for a bus or when a predator happens to be walking in the same direction. Phones are an immediate warning sign but will not be given until their trust and ability to keep secrets is tested. Expensive gifts will stand out so they will be disguised. Gifts are where the predator will bring in the need to keep secrets and start with small tests before moving onto big ones and rewards for keeping a secret. A predator will act like they are just doing the victim a favour and ask the victim not it by telling some. The victim will feel like they will be the one who gets in trouble if someone finds out and that the gifts might stop. The victim will think that they will get in trouble or fear the predator getting in trouble because of what they might do to them. This could be fear, or a warped sense of love (bonding) developed through extensive grooming.
Keeping Secrets. All manipulative people that use deception and control methods to misuse power over others develop a way to encourage their target to keep secrets. It starts with petty things that are easily denied, like gossip or something they know and are only sharing with you. The ability to keep secrets is built up over time, risk managed and enhanced as trust and the requirement for bigger secrets develops. Training someone through manipulation to keep secrets may start out benign but quickly develops into extortion to exercise control. It may also stay in a trustful way, where the victim believes the secret protects them or the predator. If the victim is likely to get in trouble or get the predator in trouble, they may keep the secret to protect them. A child may know the predator’s behaviour is bad but fears the consequences of someone finding out. It could be shameful for them or a reaction from a parent. Children may fear getting the parent in trouble because they assume how their parent may react. A child may think their parent may harm the predator or blame the child.
By the time keeping secrets is working the victim is likely to think the predator is their best friend, cares about them and understands them uniquely. Extortion can occur quickly however is part of a longer game where predator is likely to stay nice but has gaslighted the victim into believing any trouble they may get in would be their fault.
Conversing with children like adults or acting like a friend their own age would. A predator will talk normally and act like they have more respect for the child than most adults will ever give them. A predator will be a practiced and exceptional liar. They will rarely make up too much information as too many details ruin a good story. Too many details can make people suspicious and disinterested so look out for this storytelling in adults. Too many details often sounds like someone trying to convince a victim or their associates that the story is true.
A predator that wants to maintain and develop a long-term relationship can initially act like they are great friends and relate to a child the same way a child relates to another child their age. This is very suspicious behaviour from an adult, as adults that work with kids are not kids their age and should not act or communicate like that. Adults that deal with kids routinely are adults in professional or parental roles and although friendly they are not and should not be best friends with kids.
Predators may make promises they do not intend to keep. A predator will distract and divert through making promises when doubted. For example, “I won’t ask again if you feel uncomfortable.” “You are not ready so we will leave it, for now.” To develop trust, a predator will ask for promises and promise back, like: “Promise me, you will not tell mum!”
Predators will always have multiple friends/contacts that are not victims. A predator will blend in and have multiple child acquaintances , and develop the trust those children’s parents’ or other adults have in them. A predator will have a favourite(s), but may also have many at once so to groom kids consistently. As children get older other younger ones come into the target age zone. Children that trust the predator but are not victims can be used for cover, maintaining community trust and support. It is all part of the cover story. A predator will be aware that children will talk to each other, and that they need cover from other kids and colleagues to defend them.
Organisation that have positions of power over children have always developed trust in the guardians of children. This is required to educate and mentor children however it is also a place to hide, for predators.
A predator may use some of the following ways to develop control over victims.
- Turn up in places where they spend time together by accident and for an acceptable reason. Owning a dog to walk is great, riding a bike to school etc.
- Take photos on the victim’s phone first. Not with them directly but with an innocuous background or with pets, before moving the image to their own phone and offering to send photos to you later.
- Ask who they talk to, why, and begin alienating them from friends and family.
- Always ask about their life and know everything about them. They will try to find out secrets so you can use them against the victim or to develop rapport.
- Checkup on a victim when the victim does not know they are looking.
- Increase the frequency of contact from random, to monthly to daily, to a few times a day as they feel safer. As the victim engages and responds the predator will increase the contact and control. A victim may feel like they need to talk to the predator and worry if they are not contacting them. A predator can increase control cut off established behaviour to punish the victim and increase their need for the predator’s contact (through gas lighting the victim, discounting no, and controlling them through manipulation and coercion).
- A predator will gradually start making choices for a victim when they can and increase as the relationship develops in the predator’s favour.
- A predator will comment on what a victim wears, does, hangs out with or goes and request changes to control and manipulate the victim.
- A predator will get a victim to keep secrets, safe ones at first then develop to ones both parties know are serious and will have consequences.
- A predator will be nice but develop a dependance on compliments so a victim will always feel they are not good enough and strive to be more in the predator’s favour. When the niceness changes it will be calculated to control the victim, to take the relationship further for the predator and have the victim feel it was their fault the predator is not nice anymore.
- A predator will use threats as they get to know a victim but only to scare them, often jokingly at first. The victim will often feel it was their fault. A predator will then apologise, even buy a gift, and move a step closer to controlling the victim more. A predator will get angry but when they calm down, they will say and act sorry. They will blame the victim by saying things like; “you made me do that. I do not want to, so please do not do that again.”
- A predator will have rules that are small and keep adding to them as the relationship becomes more controlling.
- A predator may train a victim to understand that in public (or when anyone is around) that they must behave differently, they must be mean and put them down or ignore them. This is explained as something required to protect them from getting in trouble for their behaviour. It is to protect the victim from trouble and shame if others who do not understand found out.
Adults should watch other adults for these behaviours a predator may display. A combination of them is more likely.
- Touching children subtly out context.
- Giving preferential treatment and favoritism.
- Giving gifts and doing favours unnecessarily or out of budget.
- Treating a child like an adult, with flirting or non-age-appropriate conversation.
- Engaging a child in adult activities and talk.
- Going out of their way to give lifts or supervise a child.
- Inviting children to activities at an adult’s home, with adults and getting them to behave as adults in social settings.
- A predator may initially try to be friends with a child’s parents and relatives.
- A predator will have methods of conversing with kids online.
A predator will find out what the kids are using and use that. Game chat boards, TikTok, etc. They will avoid routine messaging and platforms adult use. A predator will set up multiple accounts so they can chat with another identity. A predator is likely to use an alias online. A predator may make it a game for the child and relate to them via a story that the child is a part of, like a fantasy world or spy movie. Online exploitation is not the focus of this article, but it overlaps all aspects and is often used in conjunction with, prior to, during and as an integrated part of the overall exploitation.
A predator is aware that although people may be suspicious they are playing the long game and that the public is more frightened of the random kidnapping, despite about 1% of perpetrators are unknown to the child and less than 12% being strangers. About 80% of perpetrators are known to the child so they can easily blend in with everyone else.
Which children are more vulnerable than others?
Every child from every demographic is at risk. Some children, however, are more vulnerable to being targeted than others. A predator will observe and test children to determine their best chance and probability. Predators are likely to have a specific type that may include age, gender, nationality, dress, and behavioral characteristics. Another factor is location and the effortless process of making a decision choice of which child is likely to be an easier target for them is high on their selection criteria.
A predator may look for certain characteristics including but not limited to:
- Children that a predator feels/evaluates as giving them the best chance of success.
- Children that are neglected at home, emotionally or financially.
- Children that have no/limited friends and/or find it hard to attract friends.
- Isolated children that appear unloved, uncared for and are easy to give empathy to.
- Children that appear alienated and are looking for friends or lonely.
- Children that test boundaries to seek attention.
- Children that try to be distinct and loners.
- Children recently traumatized and vulnerable to attention.
- Children who have parent (s) that work or are away a lot.
- Children with money – spoilt children, which have but lack emotional attention.
- Children who are already looking to rebel through drugs, alcohol, and socially unacceptable behaviour.
- Children that are sad a lot of the time and just want to have a friend.
- Children who are active and appear confident but are really hiding deep insecurity and lack self-esteem.
- Children that crave being picked in a team or special attention to get ahead.
- Children who can be contacted online to get friendships going easily. This may also be done under an alias to test children or set up a common friend or enemy.
Predators are more likely to avoid children who:
- Display awareness of their surroundings (i.e., not always stuck on their phones).
- Trust their intuition about their feelings and express them.
- Speak up and are confident.
- Walk proud and stand up tall, happy to look adults in the eye and talk confidently.
- That have a close a friendship group and varied friendship groups.
- Are boisterous and vigorous who will be difficult to manage.
- Carry themselves confidently and are fit and active.
- That have multiple trusted adults in their lives at home, school, and sport.
- That always travels in groups and with a purpose if alone.
- Have adult mentors from sport, music, or school and establish relationships.
- That in the initial stages of grooming or a charm offensive, ask questions, tell adults about it, say no and don’t accept attempts to discount No.
- Communicate openly and routinely with parents and do not keep secrets.
- Have open passwords at home and do not have their own computer or phone that they solely use.
- That you can not talk to online or in person without someone watching or checking.
- That will not accept an adult as a friend or attempts to be a friend.
SUMMARY AND GENERAL CHILD PROTECTION COMMENTS
Education and awareness are important to protect children. For the child themselves to learn but also for careers, parents, and anyone responsible for child welfare. This article was designed to highlight the similarities of behaviour between predators and what adults can look out for. I deliberately chose this style of presentation because this message often gets lost in statistics. Aspects of this article should have been uncomfortable to read but it teaches valuable lessons.
I am not a trained psychologist, profiler, police person or counsellor. I have spent 25+ years researching, coaching, and training young people to learn more about self-protection, to learn to fight to stand up for themselves and never be a victim. My approach comes from analysing the threat and determining how the threat operates and adapts.
Fact. Predators are 100% committed to their cause. They live it 24/7 and it is not their hobby. They are dedicated, patient and adaptive. New screening, new reviews, new policies will often just be new challenges to work around and good at protecting kids from the past, not the future perpetrators. Even the most committed social worker or police officer is unable to match the relentless determination of a predator who lives to hunt, deceive, control, and manipulate.
Child abuse ruins lives forever. The trauma and psychological damage can cause lifelong grief, PTSD, socialisation, shame and trust issues forever. Due to the multiple, long lasting, negative effects on children, I am a strong advocate of the judicial system being far harsher on child abusers. Predators murder innocence and ruin lives, and their punishments should be closer to that of murderers.
Further reading : The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker (my most recommended book on the topic of self-protection ever). The Well-Armored Child: A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Sexual Abuse” by Joelle Casteix
